Those Eyes
by Hellsing-Lover13
Summary: Rose is dealing with some doubts after her doctor regnerates


Those eyes: bright and shining, inquisitive and trustworthy, and tinged with the slightest bit of anguish. I trusted those eyes. Those eyes, they gave him away every time. I knew when he was lying. I knew when he was remembering. I knew when he grew to love me. Maybe I'm just good at reading people. Maybe I was just good at reading him. Whatever it was then, it's changed now. The man lying in front of me is a stranger.

The Doctor… My Doctor. I can't help but miss him. He was gone so fast, with barely a goodbye. He was replaced in the blink of an eye. I didn't have time to cope. Now I'm guarding his replacement, like he would have wanted. So, here I remain, watching a man who looks nothing like him sleep. They just can't be the same.

My Doctor was masculine. He had broad shoulders and a broader chest. This body looks like a complete girl in comparison. No square jaw, no crew cut, no leather… Though, I suppose I could put leather on him if I damn well pleased. The idea makes me smile, but I know deep down it won't turn this man into my Doctor. I wish it could be that easy. There was still so much we had left to do. We had such great times. I wanted those times to go on forever, because I loved him.

My memory takes me back to the moment I saw his eyes soften. He was cold to people, almost mean, and his gaze reflected that. That is, until his gaze fell upon me that day. I found him looking at me with this almost serene face. In that moment, those eyes were for me and for me alone. That softness, for whatever reason, he decided to show it to me that day, and I couldn't have been happier.

I took a risk that day. I walked up to him and touched his arm. We locked eyes for so long; it was like I could see inside him, and I knew I was even easier to read for him. We almost kissed that day, but my mum walked right in. Later, she again badgered me about our relationship, of which I told her nothing. It's not like I was completely sure of his intent at the time anyway. There was nothing to tell her about us, not while he was still…

I close my eyes and try my hardest to think away the sadness, choosing to return to my memories. I remember the first kiss we really did have. We were in the Tardis, celebrating saving the world –again- and he was just positively giddy. Those manic states of his were always a great time, and he saw fit to wrap his arm 'round my waist and pull me towards him. Before I could say anything, the kiss was over and done. It may have been short, but my head was spinning.

Those days with him were, without a doubt, the happiest of my life. We were inseparable. He was my Doctor, and I was his Rose. He had called me that so much towards the end. 'His Rose.' Even just remembering his little term of endearment is hard. He called me that for a long while, but nothing was quite like the first time I heard it from him. It was on the night we first made love. That night was just…

We kissed, we held each other, we stared into each other's souls, and things just started to move. It was almost like neither of us had the control of what was happening, not that we would have stopped it. We didn't want control. Everything was natural and smooth, like it was always meant to be. Even the usual fumbling of clothes came easy and without the awkwardness. He touched me and all I felt was overpowering want. I never thought that… Well, when I met him, starting traveling with him, I never thought of him as a sexual being. I was so wrong about that.

My face grows red at the desire filled memory, but I'm not going to will these thoughts away. That memory is too perfect to skip, and I need to keep the memories fresh now more than ever. The warmth of his hands and body, the skillfulness of his fingers, the light kisses he laid all over me, the way he held himself against me… It would be a crime to forget all of this, and the memory was just beginning.

I remember being happily surprised by the unchained passion my Doctor showed. After a long session of being cradled and made love to with his mouth and fingers, we were both ready. Finally, it happened. I could feel him in his entirety, and it was just so utterly perfect. The moment when he entered me was pure bliss. That moment… It felt like it went on forever. For all I know, it did. You know, perks of sleeping with a Time Lord and all.

I really can't stress enough how gentle, thorough, and passionate he was that night. Every movement he made was so… Suffice to say, the night was filled with loud moaning and heavy breathing. Orgasm came to us many times that night, but that first simultaneous orgasm, though… It was something so special for us. He asked me to look into his eyes, those eyes, and for that instant, I could see everything that was him. I could see his hopes, dreams, and fears. Moments later, orgasm crashed down over both of them, and the sight was gone, my memories of what I saw went with it. It was an incredibly intense, alien moment.

Alien is the word for it. The way he explained it, it was comparable to our minds melding momentarily. We laid there awhile, resting for, well… continued activity. We just looked at each other, staring deep, quietly. We couldn't stop looking at each other. Without even thinking, I remember I whispered something I had only said in my mind, "I love you, my Doctor."

He just grinned real wide and he said to me, "My Rose, you are just fantastic." I remember my face fell so fast. I didn't think he was going to say it back, but he noticed my face, and quickly add, "and I love you for it." From that night on, I was 'his Rose'. At least, I was… I can't believe I'll see him again. I won't hear his voice in the mornings. I won't travel all space and time by his side. I won't hear his say he loves me ever again.

I… I tried to stop this. He wouldn't want this. But… I can't help it. I'm crying. I take a shaking breath to calm myself, but it does nothing. Within moments, I'm sobbing into my hands. I loved him so much, and he's gone. My Doctor… MY Doctor is dead. How can I keep going on like this? I want all the I love yous and the fantastics. I want my Doctor. "Rose?"

I look up quickly, tears blurring my vision. The… man I'm watching is sitting up. I wipe away my tears. "What?" He takes my face in his hands.

"This isn't what I wanted for you. I didn't want to see you cry."

"You don't even know me." The tears start again.

"Oh, Rose… My Rose," he wipes away my tears, "Look at me."

I look up at him and suddenly my heart starts racing. It's those eyes. His eyes. My Doctor's eyes. Bright and shining, inquisitive and trustworthy, and tinged with the slightest bit of anguish. It's him. I can't believe it's him. My tears start back with a vengeance, and I collapse into his waiting arms. He looks so different, but he could never hide those eyes, the eyes of the one and only, my Doctor.


End file.
